And so HE's coming to 6 weeks old...

Since my last entry at 32 weeks pregnancy, life has been about adapting, settling down and creating a system. And finally, at Ethan Ang Kai Feng's coming 6 weeks of age, there is some semblance of sanity.

Which explains why this post is gonna be very long, and is going to be about documenting and catching up!

The Birth Story
Ethan Ang Kai Feng was born on the 6th of November 2011, 10.43pm. He was born weighing 3.729kg (rounded up to 3.73kg), 51 cm long and with a head circumference of 33cm. He was born about 1.5 weeks early, with my original EDD on the 15th of October. I was willing him to come out on the 9th of Oct, making the date 9/10/11 but I guess he had a mind of his own...

My labor and delivery wass by no means a short one...

At 5.40am, I woke up thinking that I wet my bed due to a weak bladder because of the pregnancy. I changed and got back in bed, to realise that there was water gushing out from down under. I got puzzled, thinking that I wouldn't have wet my bed a second time while concious and with my bladder emptied. So I suspected that it could be that my water bag broke.

I changed myself again, and gingerly got back in bed to 'confirm' what was happening. I lifted one leg onto the bed and lo and behold, water gushed out again. I woke Robert up and said that it was time to head over to TMC. Rob called in TMC and confirmed that I should be admitted.

We reached TMC at 6.10am and I got admited at 6.15am. I was put on monitor as the nurses discovered that there was meconium detected in my amniotic fluid. Dr. Paul gave instructions to monitor baby's heartbeat, to ensure that baby's not in distress.

Luckily, the brave and strong little one was coping fine amongst his own shit (Literally)... and so Dr. Paul being the 'Pro Au Naturale' one, said to let the labor take place naturally. He came in at about 9ish in the morning, to declare that I was about 1-1.5cm dilated and said we will just wait. I lay in discomfort feeling wet all the time, with water gushing out of me with every movement I made in bed, while Rob sat uncomfortably beside me, on a chair in the labor ward.

In the labor ward...

While contractions started, it was nothing that I couldn't cope it. However, as it got more intensive, I was slightly distressed when Dr. Paul came visiting at about 5ish pm to declare that I was about 4-5 cm dilated ONLY! And he happily added on, 'By the way, it takes about an average of one hour to dilate 1 cm...' *faintz*

Rob took out his wedding ring in anticipation of loads of hand and fingers squeezing!

Rob's ring around his trooper keychain...

However, shortly after Dr. Paul's visit, I was moved to the delivery suite which was surprinsingly alot more pleasant and comfortable! Rob even has a couch to lie down and call his own!

Ze couch for the daddies-to-be...

The delivery suite...

But it was also in the delivery suite that things got a lot more serious. Contractions started more intensively and while I always thought that I wanted to brave the labor pains and try without any form of assistance / pain killer, I wavered and asked the nurse if I could have epidural. She readily agreed and said that she has to inform Dr. Paul, and asked me to sign a consent form of sorts.

While in my pain and delirium, I actually made the effort to read through the 'form' and read the 'not-so-common' effects of epidural as well. It probably sounds alot more serious than it actually it, but it detered me from taking the epidural with the possible spinal cord infection and what not. I turned to Rob, told him that I rather not take any risks, and told the nurse that I will go with Etonox - the 'Laughing Gas'.

The contractions got more and more intense and I was surviving by faith and alot of prayers to the Lord, Jesus and Mother Mary. I kept telling myself that if Mother Mary could do it in the barn, so can I in a much more sophisticated and comfortable room. Whenever I felt like the contractions were coming, I breathed in the gas and said a few 'Hail Marys' and hoped that the contractions will pass, leaving me in one piece still.

To cut the long story short, I was declared fully dilated at 10.03 and pushed almost half the life out of me, when Dr. Paul came in looking sauve and confident at about 10.15/10.20 pm. I felt almost relieved with his presence, and with some hard and difficult pushing, our babe came arrived into the world at 10.43 pm. And I loved him so much from the moment I set eyes on him...

My little babe, Ethan Ang

Our very first family photo... first of many to come...

The First Month
While we were excited to have Ethan back at home with us, it was nothing less than VERY stressful. Everything was new to us. Taking care of him, understanding his needs, understanding what is happening to them...

The noises he makes at night, the snorts, the wheezing, the cooing, all kinds of funny noise kept us up all night and sleepless for the first few nights. I kept commenting that we didn't hear these noises when we were in the hospital with him for the first two nights. 

However, everyone told us that the noises were normal, and even our Pead told me, 'Have you heard the noises your husband makes at night when he sleeps? Babies make noise too...'

And so we learnt to get over it... and sleep came but it still wasn't easy as we have to cope with Baby's feeding demands, his incessant diaper changes and interpreting his cries for various reasons - hunger, tiredness, uncomfortable tummy, diaper change, or the need for a human touch, a cuddle or skin to skin bonding...

Peacefully sleepy at 3-day old...

Ethan @ 4-day old

On the 5th day, we had to send Ethan back to TMC for a 3D 2N staycation cause of his jaundice. It was heartbreaking to have to part with him so soon, but we figured that he would be in better hands in the hospital, and we get to have a much needed break, while we were stumbling and fumbling along while looking after him ourselves in the first week.

His hotel during his staycation - a $1,200 holiday!!

Breast Feeding
One of the biggest challenge for me during these 5 weeks, was breast feeding Ethan. Due to my inverted nipples, breast feeding was challenging as I had to deal with sore nipples, cracked nipples, nipple tear and bleeding nipples. More than once, I've held him in my arms, and cried while feeding him, or when he was screaming his head off, wailing and shedding tears, with not having enough, and I was dealing with the searing, toe-curling pain that I get everytime I breastfeed. 

6 weeks on, I have overcome that. Not that I have overcome the obstacles of breastfeeding, but I have learnt that as long as we try our best, nothing can be worse. I've started expressing my milk, into bottles to feed baby, and supplementing with formula milk. I think we have both come to terms with this arrangement as he no longer wakes up every 1- 2 hours starving and feeling under fed. I no longer have to wake up and shed tears due to pain and heart ache thinking that my little one is not getting enough out of me. And that I'm a bad mommy for crying and venting my frustrations on him sometimes when I try to pacify him and 'scolding' him sternly for things that he does not yet understand. 

I still try to latch on but light at the end of the tunnel can be seen. I'm happier and I think my baby's happier and my family members around me too. Life seems more beautiful and less stressful now... and what's more, I've got time to get out of the house for some 'me' time with Rob, the other love of my life... (thanks to my parents who can take care and bottle feed baby when I'm out... something impossible if I was 100% breastfeeding) and Baby's still growing well and fine!

I think I am no less a better mother, and it took me 5 weeks and much tears to come to terms with this. Many of my friends, even the Pead gave me this advice of expressing and supplementing, but it definitely took a while for me to overcome the mental obstacle that if I don't latch and breastfeed direct, I'm not doing my job as a mommy. But it's still my breastmilk and Baby's still getting it. So all's well...

My Baby, My Boy...
And having seen the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm glad to say that my boy's growing fine.. and I love him so very much! =)

My tiny little babe

Having a suntan by Dr's instructions

Looking so cutesy...

Sleepy head daddy with tiny Ethan

Mommy practicing carrying me in a sling...

Growing older with punkier hair...

And I'm still small... but a bigger boy now! =D

Baby Ethan with Mommy & Daddy during his Full Month party on the 6th November 2011

Don't grow up too soon little one... Mommy & Daddy love you so very much but want to spend as much time as possible with you every stage of the way! =)